Why do I feel so guilty about having a good day? Obviously my meds have kicked in and I feel good today...mentally. I know it's a mask but sorry if I don't care anymore. My way of thinking, which I am not saying is right...it's just me, is that I always expect the worst...so I won't be disappointed you see. In the past, the second I feel good about something, it (it = whatever) usually falls apart. If I were planning on a fun filled night with friends and I get all excited, then usually something happens and I wonder why the heck I ever thought this would be a good idea. That's just one example. Let's see...that would apply to anything really. If I'm planning on a slow, catch-up day at work, then I will usually have so much work to do that I have to stay late to finish. See how that works? So by always expecting the worst, you won't be as dissapointed or too surprised when it, (it = whatever) all goes to hell. Do things ever turn out good...well of course and when they do...bonus! Like I said, I didn't say this was the right way of thinking...it's just me. Well, me and my sister actually. She has this same twisted way of thinking. Our conversations sometimes go a little like this:
Me: I can't wait to come see you guys next weekend!
Her: Me too! It's gonna suck.
Me: I know, I'm dreading it!
Here's documented proof that planning on something always bites you in the end. I know, I know...just kidding. This is just the result of one crazy kid...whom I adore! (who or whom? I never know.)
In this new year I suppose I should try and correct this pattern. Ugh...in the words of Scarlett O'Hara, I can't think about that today...I'll worry about that tomorrow...